Category: Communication

12/22/2025 0 Comments

Emotions Series Part 1: What's the Difference Between Feeling and Showing an Emotion?

Picture of two teens. Teen therapy, adolescence, feeling emotions, showing emotions, boundaries, communication, EMDR, EFT, couples therapy, marriage therapy, self-boundaries, healing, trauma focused therapy, counseling

Emotions can feel like a mystery, even to those of us who work with them every day. You might notice your heart racing during a difficult conversation, but your face remains completely neutral. Or maybe you've had the experience of someone asking "Are you okay?" when you thought you were hiding your frustration perfectly well. This disconnect between what we feel inside and what others see on the outside is more common than you might think, and it's rooted in fascinating neuroscience.

As a therapist, I see this emotional complexity play out in my office daily. The difference between feeling an emotion and showing an emotion shapes how we connect with others, how we heal, and how we navigate our relationships. That's why I'm excited to start this four-part series exploring the intricate world of emotions and expression.

The Neuroscience Behind Feeling vs. Showing

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12/15/2025 0 Comments

Adolescence and Identity Formation: Why Teens Need Space to Explore and Mess Up

Picture of teen in bedroom. EMDR for teens, EMDR for parents, family therapy, couples therapy, parenting therapy, blended families, bonding, stress, ODD, RAD, siblings, isolation, defiance, trouble, grief

Watching teenagers navigate identity formation can feel terrifying for parents. I see it in my office every day, parents who are genuinely confused and scared when their previously compliant child suddenly dyes their hair purple, starts hanging out with new friends, or announces they're questioning everything they once believed. It's natural to want to pull them back, to keep them safe, to guide every step. But here's what I've learned in my years as a therapist: healthy adolescent development actually requires space for exploration and, yes, making mistakes.

As someone who works extensively with teens and families, I want to share why this messy, sometimes chaotic process isn't just normal: it's absolutely necessary for your teenager to become a healthy, well-adjusted adult.

The Adolescent Brain: A Work in Progress

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11/24/2025 0 Comments

How to Add More Laughs to Your Day (Even When Life Is a Hot Mess)

Picture of 3 people sitting on a sofa, side by side, holding their sides because they are laughing so hard while there is a mess of clothes, twinkle lights and pillows strewn across the floor

Let's be real – life can feel like a complete dumpster fire sometimes. Between work stress, family drama, financial pressures, and whatever fresh chaos the universe decides to serve up, finding reasons to laugh might seem about as realistic as finding a unicorn in your backyard.

But here's the thing: humor isn't a luxury you can only afford when everything's going perfectly. It's actually one of your most powerful tools for getting through the tough stuff. And the best part? You don't need a comedy special or a perfect life to add more laughs to your day.

Why Your Brain Craves Laughter (Even When Everything Sucks)

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11/17/2025 0 Comments

Why Do We Cry When We're Not Sad? The Surprising Science Behind Tears of Anger and Joy

Picture of five teens sitting in a bit of a pyramid shap while huddled around a coffee table in a living room and crying tears of joy

You know that feeling when you're watching your favorite team win the championship and suddenly tears are streaming down your face? Or when you're so frustrated with your boss that you find yourself crying in the bathroom stall? If you've ever wondered why your body seems to have its emotional wires crossed, you're definitely not alone.

It might be natural to think that tears only come from sadness, but that's not always the case. The truth is, crying is way more complicated than we give it credit for, and understanding why can actually help us make sense of our own emotional responses.

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10/9/2025 0 Comments

Tips to Move Toward Secure Attachment: Practical Strategies

Picture o couple, couples counseling, marriage therapy, anxious attahment, avoidant attachment

Changing your attachment style as an adult is challenging work. I won't sugarcoat that. The patterns we developed in childhood run deep, and they've been our go-to strategies for navigating relationships for years, maybe decades. But here's what I want you to know: it's absolutely possible to move toward more secure attachment, no matter where you're starting from.
Whether you tend toward anxious attachment (constantly seeking reassurance), avoidant attachment (keeping people at arm's length), or disorganized attachment (swinging between the two), you can develop the skills that securely attached people seem to naturally have. It just takes intentional practice and a lot of self-compassion along the way.

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9/15/2025 0 Comments

Your expectations are too high! The difference between a standard and an expectation

Picture of a living room - psychology, blog, expectations, standards, communication, boundaries, therapy, counseling, expert, advice, help, healing, guide

I hear this phrase a lot in my therapy office: "My partner says my expectations are too high!" And honestly? Sometimes they're right. But here's the thing: when someone tells you your expectations are too high, they might actually be pointing to something much deeper than what you think you're asking for.

As a therapist who's spent years working with couples and individuals struggling with relationship dynamics, I've learned that the real issue isn't usually about lowering your standards. It's about understanding the crucial difference between standards and expectations: and how confusing the two can actually damage the very relationships we're trying to protect.

What's Really Going On in Your Brain

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8/4/2025 0 Comments

Does Journaling Actually Help With Anxiety?

Anxiety is tough. Really tough. If you're reading this, chances are you've felt that familiar tightness in your chest, the racing thoughts that won't quit, or that constant feeling like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. You might have heard people suggest journaling as a way to help with anxiety, but you're probably wondering: does it actually work, or is it just another feel-good suggestion that doesn't really make a difference?

Here's the thing – journaling does help with anxiety, and there's solid science behind why it works. As a therapist, I've seen it make a real difference for my clients, and the research backs up what we see in therapy rooms every day.

What's Actually Happening in Your Brain When You Journal

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7/28/2025 0 Comments

Common Mistakes in Love: When Your First Big Relationship Happens in Your Thirties or Forties

Let's talk about something that might feel a little awkward to admit: having your first serious relationship in your thirties or forties. While society often assumes everyone has their romantic "training wheels" phase in their teens and twenties, life doesn't always follow that script. Maybe you were focused on career, dealing with family obligations, working through personal challenges, or simply hadn't met the right person yet.

Here's the thing though – when love finally shows up later in life, it can feel both exhilarating and terrifying. Without those earlier relationship experiences that typically teach us the ropes, many people find themselves making mistakes that feel surprisingly familiar to what teenagers do. The difference? The stakes feel much higher, and there's often less patience for trial and error.

The Timeline Trap: When "Running Out of Time" Drives Your Decisions

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6/23/2025 0 Comments

Healing Trust After Betrayal: Teen Friendship Repair Using EFT-Inspired Tips

Picture of two young women sitting on a sofa and talking.

Teen friendship betrayal is one of the most painful experiences young people face. When a close friend breaks your trust: whether by sharing secrets, choosing sides, or flat-out lying: it can feel like your world is crashing down. The hurt runs deep because friendships during the teen years aren't just social connections; they're lifelines that help shape identity and provide emotional safety.

But here's what I've learned working with teens: trust can be rebuilt. It takes work, vulnerability, and the right tools, but broken friendships can actually become stronger than they were before the betrayal happened.

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6/16/2025 0 Comments

How to Recognize and Respond to Subtle Trauma Triggers in Friendships

Picture of two women sitting on a sofa talking

Trauma triggers in friendships are a tough topic to talk about. They're often invisible, unexpected, and can leave both you and your friend feeling confused or hurt. As a therapist who works with teens regularly, I've seen how trauma can show up in both teen and adult friendships in ways that might surprise you.

It might be natural to think that trauma only affects someone during big, obvious moments. But that's not always the case. Trauma triggers can be incredibly subtle – a certain tone of voice, being left on read, or even a friend canceling plans last minute. Understanding these triggers isn't about walking on eggshells around your friends. It's about building deeper, more supportive relationships.

What Are Subtle Trauma Triggers in Friendships?

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5/27/2025 0 Comments

Handling Family Questions in College: How to Keep Your Journey Yours

Picture of six young adults sitting and drinking coffee in a room that looks like the lounge area of a library. Two young women have blue hair.

College is exciting, overwhelming, and full of growth: but sometimes the hardest part isn't your coursework or making new friends. It's navigating those well-meaning family questions that feel more like interrogations: "What's your major going to be?" "Are you eating enough?" "Why haven't you called?" "What are you doing with your life?"

If you're feeling suffocated by family curiosity or struggling to maintain your independence while staying connected, you're not alone. This tension is actually a normal part of healthy development, and understanding the science behind it can help you navigate these conversations with more confidence and less stress.

The Neuroscience of Separation and Connection

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4/7/2025 0 Comments

Humor Builds Resilience: How Jokes Can Make You Stronger

Group of people on a sofa laughing, reading a book, and playing with a clown nose.

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect them. Your car breaks down the day before a big presentation, your teenager decides to have a meltdown at the grocery store, or you spill coffee all over your laptop during an important video call. In moments like these, you have two choices: you can let the stress consume you, or you can find a way to laugh about it.

I know what you might be thinking, "Really? Laughter is supposed to help me handle stress?" But here's the thing: humor isn't just about feeling good in the moment. It's actually one of the most powerful tools we have for building genuine resilience. And I'm not just talking about putting on a brave face or pretending everything's fine. I'm talking about fundamentally changing how your brain and body respond to challenges.

The Science Behind Your Smile

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3/27/2025 0 Comments

Overly Dependent: When Your Partner Feels Like Oxygen (But You're Gasping)

Picture of a woman and a man sitting on a sofa and there is blue air coming out of her mouth.

Being overly dependent in a relationship is a tough topic to talk about. It brings up feelings of shame, guilt, and fear that many of us would rather avoid. But here's the thing - recognizing dependency patterns doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with you or your partner. It means you're human, and you're ready to create healthier connection.

If your partner feels like they can't breathe without you, or if you find yourself suffocating under the weight of being someone's emotional lifeline, you're not alone. This dynamic affects countless couples, and understanding it is the first step toward breathing easier together.

What Overly Dependent Actually Looks Like

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1/26/2025 0 Comments

Unwinding After School: How Teens Can Recharge and Still Meet Family Obligations

Three teenagers sit on a sectional sofa engaging in various activities: homework, listening to music, going through a basket.

Let's be real: coming home from school feeling mentally drained while your parents immediately start talking about homework, chores, and "how was your day?" can feel overwhelming. You need time to decompress, but you also don't want to deal with family drama about not pulling your weight around the house.

The good news? You can totally have both. It's all about finding that sweet spot between taking care of yourself and keeping the peace at home.

Why Your Brain Actually Needs a Break (And It's Not Just Being Lazy)

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1/10/2025 0 Comments

7 Mistakes You're Making When Someone Rolls Their Eyes at You (And How to Respond)

Picture of a mother sitting in the living room with her son and daughter, she is holding her daughter's hand in both of her hands and her daughter looks as if she's just about to roll her eyes about it.

Eye rolling is one of those behaviors that can instantly make your blood boil. You're mid-sentence, making what you think is a perfectly reasonable point, and suddenly, there it is. That dramatic upward glance that seems to scream "you're being ridiculous."

It's natural to feel triggered when someone rolls their eyes at you. But here's what I've learned after years of working with couples and families: most people handle eye rolling in ways that actually make things worse, not better.

The truth is, eye rolling isn't just disrespect for the sake of disrespect. It's usually a signal that something deeper is going wrong in your communication. And when you respond poorly, you miss a critical opportunity to actually solve the real problem.

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12/27/2024 0 Comments

Finding the Sweet Spot: Interdependence in Romantic Relationships

Picture of a couple sitting on a pebbly beach while holding hands and drinking from mugs with a picnic basket next to them.

Relationship balance is one of those things that sounds simple in theory but feels impossibly complex in practice. You've probably found yourself swinging between extremes: either clinging too tightly to your partner or pushing them away when things get intense. Maybe you've lost yourself completely in a relationship, or perhaps you've built walls so high that genuine intimacy feels scary.

Here's the thing: most of us weren't taught how to navigate the delicate dance between "me" and "we" in romantic relationships. We learn from what we see growing up, and let's be honest: many of us saw relationships that were either suffocatingly codependent or coldly distant.

As a therapist, I've worked with countless couples who struggle to find that sweet spot between losing themselves and shutting their partner out. The good news? There's a middle ground called interdependence, and it's absolutely learnable.

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12/23/2024 0 Comments

Stop Wasting Time on Surface Arguments: Try These 7 EFT Techniques for Deeper Connection

Picture of a couple, sitting on the floor facing each other, cross-legged, and engaging in a meditation exercise.

You know that feeling when you and your partner are arguing about who forgot to take out the trash... again? But fifteen minutes in, you realize you're not really fighting about garbage at all. You're fighting about feeling unheard, unappreciated, or disconnected. Sound familiar?

Here's the thing: most relationship arguments aren't actually about the surface issue that started them. As a therapist, I see this pattern constantly. Couples get stuck in these endless loops, rehashing the same complaints without ever addressing what's really going on underneath.

That's where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in. EFT doesn't focus on teaching better communication skills or problem-solving techniques. Instead, it helps couples understand the deeper emotional needs and attachment fears driving their conflicts. When we address those underlying feelings, the surface arguments often resolve themselves.

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12/10/2024 0 Comments

How Teen Boys Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

3 teen boys standing and talking on a sidewalk while a school is in the distant background.

Bullying is a tough reality that way too many teen boys face. Whether it's happening in hallways, locker rooms, or online, dealing with bullies can feel overwhelming and confusing. But here's the thing – you have more power than you might realize.

Standing up to bullies isn't about getting into fights or being the toughest guy around. It's actually about something much smarter: setting healthy boundaries. And trust me, learning this skill now will serve you well for the rest of your life.

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9/1/2023 0 Comments

Why Eye Rolling Is Killing Your Relationship (And 5 Ways to Stop It)

Picture a man and woman sitting on the sofa, facing forward in silence.

Relationship issues can be tough to talk about, especially when they involve behaviors that might seem "minor" on the surface. But here's the truth: that eye roll your partner just gave you? It's not minor at all. In fact, it's one of the most toxic behaviors you can bring into your relationship.

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've seen countless couples struggle with this seemingly small gesture that carries enormous emotional weight. What looks like a simple nonverbal cue actually communicates contempt: and contempt is a relationship killer.

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6/5/2023 0 Comments

Becoming Authentic - Owning our Choices

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

"What do you mean, 'owning our choices?' Of course I own my choices!"

Here's the thing, the way we talk to ourselves and to other people can often lead us astray from authenticity and lead us to the same ol' path toward the self-preservation of using our mask. We mostly do it to protect ourselves from ourselves.

What do I mean by that?

Well, we are humans and in our humanity we can tend to make bad choices. In that humanity we can tend to be judgmental. We can easily end up judging ourselves and then subconsciously fear others will judge us with that same standard (or worse).

So we bend the truth:

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VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico and Redding areas in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client-centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ, no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.

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YOUR CART

Emotions Series Part 1: What's the Difference Between Feeling and Showing an Emotion?

Adolescence and Identity Formation: Why Teens Need Space to Explore and Mess Up

How to Add More Laughs to Your Day (Even When Life Is a Hot Mess)

Why Do We Cry When We're Not Sad? The Surprising Science Behind Tears of Anger and Joy

Tips to Move Toward Secure Attachment: Practical Strategies

Your expectations are too high! The difference between a standard and an expectation

Does Journaling Actually Help With Anxiety?

Common Mistakes in Love: When Your First Big Relationship Happens in Your Thirties or Forties

Healing Trust After Betrayal: Teen Friendship Repair Using EFT-Inspired Tips

How to Recognize and Respond to Subtle Trauma Triggers in Friendships

Handling Family Questions in College: How to Keep Your Journey Yours

Humor Builds Resilience: How Jokes Can Make You Stronger

Overly Dependent: When Your Partner Feels Like Oxygen (But You're Gasping)

Unwinding After School: How Teens Can Recharge and Still Meet Family Obligations

7 Mistakes You're Making When Someone Rolls Their Eyes at You (And How to Respond)

Finding the Sweet Spot: Interdependence in Romantic Relationships

Stop Wasting Time on Surface Arguments: Try These 7 EFT Techniques for Deeper Connection

How Teen Boys Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

Why Eye Rolling Is Killing Your Relationship (And 5 Ways to Stop It)

Becoming Authentic - Owning our Choices

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