Category: Feelings

12/22/2025 0 Comments

Emotions Series Part 1: What's the Difference Between Feeling and Showing an Emotion?

Picture of two teens. Teen therapy, adolescence, feeling emotions, showing emotions, boundaries, communication, EMDR, EFT, couples therapy, marriage therapy, self-boundaries, healing, trauma focused therapy, counseling

Emotions can feel like a mystery, even to those of us who work with them every day. You might notice your heart racing during a difficult conversation, but your face remains completely neutral. Or maybe you've had the experience of someone asking "Are you okay?" when you thought you were hiding your frustration perfectly well. This disconnect between what we feel inside and what others see on the outside is more common than you might think, and it's rooted in fascinating neuroscience.

As a therapist, I see this emotional complexity play out in my office daily. The difference between feeling an emotion and showing an emotion shapes how we connect with others, how we heal, and how we navigate our relationships. That's why I'm excited to start this four-part series exploring the intricate world of emotions and expression.

The Neuroscience Behind Feeling vs. Showing

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11/19/2025 0 Comments

Hidden Struggles: Why Depression Can Be Harder to Spot in High-Achievers

Picture of woman sitting in chair in front of desk, open laptop, but woman is holding a rose and looking at the rose instead of the laptop.

Depression in high-achievers is a tough subject to talk about. It might be natural to think that successful people, those climbing the career ladder, excelling in school, or managing multiple responsibilities with apparent ease, have it all figured out. But that's not always the case.

As therapists, we see this pattern regularly: accomplished individuals who appear to thrive externally while experiencing significant emotional distress internally. This phenomenon, often called "high-functioning depression," represents one of the most misunderstood forms of mental health struggles.

The Neuroscience Behind High-Functioning Depression

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11/17/2025 0 Comments

Why Do We Cry When We're Not Sad? The Surprising Science Behind Tears of Anger and Joy

Picture of five teens sitting in a bit of a pyramid shap while huddled around a coffee table in a living room and crying tears of joy

You know that feeling when you're watching your favorite team win the championship and suddenly tears are streaming down your face? Or when you're so frustrated with your boss that you find yourself crying in the bathroom stall? If you've ever wondered why your body seems to have its emotional wires crossed, you're definitely not alone.

It might be natural to think that tears only come from sadness, but that's not always the case. The truth is, crying is way more complicated than we give it credit for, and understanding why can actually help us make sense of our own emotional responses.

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7/21/2025 0 Comments

Changing Your Body Image After Weight Loss: Building Lasting Confidence

Changing your body image after significant weight loss is one of those topics that sounds like it should be simple – you lost weight, you should feel great, right? But if you're reading this, you already know it's not that straightforward. The relationship between your physical transformation and how you see yourself in the mirror is complex, often surprising, and sometimes downright confusing.

As a therapist, I've worked with many clients who've achieved their weight loss goals only to discover that their mental image hasn't caught up with their physical reality. You're not broken if this resonates with you. You're human, navigating a very real psychological process that deserves compassion and understanding.

The Mind-Body Disconnect is Real

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6/9/2025 0 Comments

Ditching Shame-Based Motivation: How Teens Thrive with Choice Theory

Picture of 5 young people sitting on bean bags and learning about Choice Theory

Shame-based motivation is a tough topic to address, but it's one that affects nearly every teenager in some way. As a therapist who works with teens daily, I've seen firsthand how shame can become the invisible force driving so many of their choices: and how devastating that can be for their growth and self-worth.

It might be natural to think that a little shame or fear of disappointing others motivates teens to do better. But that's not always the case. In fact, shame-based motivation often backfires spectacularly, leaving teens feeling stuck, anxious, and disconnected from their own inner compass.

There's a better way. Choice Theory, developed by psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser, offers a completely different approach that puts teens back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

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4/7/2025 0 Comments

Humor Builds Resilience: How Jokes Can Make You Stronger

Group of people on a sofa laughing, reading a book, and playing with a clown nose.

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect them. Your car breaks down the day before a big presentation, your teenager decides to have a meltdown at the grocery store, or you spill coffee all over your laptop during an important video call. In moments like these, you have two choices: you can let the stress consume you, or you can find a way to laugh about it.

I know what you might be thinking, "Really? Laughter is supposed to help me handle stress?" But here's the thing: humor isn't just about feeling good in the moment. It's actually one of the most powerful tools we have for building genuine resilience. And I'm not just talking about putting on a brave face or pretending everything's fine. I'm talking about fundamentally changing how your brain and body respond to challenges.

The Science Behind Your Smile

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3/27/2025 0 Comments

Overly Dependent: When Your Partner Feels Like Oxygen (But You're Gasping)

Picture of a woman and a man sitting on a sofa and there is blue air coming out of her mouth.

Being overly dependent in a relationship is a tough topic to talk about. It brings up feelings of shame, guilt, and fear that many of us would rather avoid. But here's the thing - recognizing dependency patterns doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with you or your partner. It means you're human, and you're ready to create healthier connection.

If your partner feels like they can't breathe without you, or if you find yourself suffocating under the weight of being someone's emotional lifeline, you're not alone. This dynamic affects countless couples, and understanding it is the first step toward breathing easier together.

What Overly Dependent Actually Looks Like

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3/15/2025 0 Comments

Overly Independent in Love: Why Walls Don't Actually Protect Your Heart

Picture of a man and woman snuggled next to each other on a sofa and they are looking at her left hand.

Being overly independent in love is a tough topic to talk about. It sounds like a contradiction, right? How can being strong and self-reliant be a problem in relationships? But here's the thing, when independence becomes a fortress that keeps everyone out, it stops protecting your heart and starts imprisoning it instead.

I've worked with countless clients who've built these emotional walls thinking they were being smart. They've been hurt before, so they figure if they don't need anyone, they can't be disappointed. If they handle everything themselves, they won't be let down. But what they discover is that walls designed to keep pain out also keep love from getting in.

What Does Being Overly Independent Actually Look Like?

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2/13/2025 0 Comments

Complex Trauma and EMDR: Turning Negative Self-Beliefs Into Positivity

Complex trauma is one of those heavy topics that we need to talk about more openly. Unlike a single traumatic event, complex trauma happens when someone experiences repeated or ongoing trauma, often starting in childhood. Think emotional abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or growing up in chaos. These experiences don't just leave emotional scars; they rewire our brains to believe some pretty harsh things about ourselves.

If you've lived through complex trauma, you probably know those internal voices well: "I'm not good enough," "I'm broken," "I can't trust anyone," or "It's all my fault." These aren't just passing thoughts, they become core beliefs that shape how you see yourself and move through the world.

But here's the hopeful part: those beliefs can change. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy has shown incredible results in helping people rewrite these negative scripts and develop genuinely positive self-beliefs.

What Makes Complex Trauma Different

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2/2/2025 0 Comments

How Bilateral Stimulation Reprocesses Traumatic Memories: The Neuroscience Behind EMDR

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Let's be honest: trauma is a tough topic to talk about. But understanding how our brains process traumatic memories can actually be incredibly empowering. And when it comes to healing from trauma, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) has become one of the most fascinating and effective treatments we have.

As a therapist, I've watched EMDR work what seems like magic in the therapy room. But there's nothing magical about it: it's pure neuroscience. The secret lies in something called bilateral stimulation, and what it does to our brains is pretty remarkable.

What Actually Happens During Bilateral Stimulation?

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1/10/2025 0 Comments

7 Mistakes You're Making When Someone Rolls Their Eyes at You (And How to Respond)

Picture of a mother sitting in the living room with her son and daughter, she is holding her daughter's hand in both of her hands and her daughter looks as if she's just about to roll her eyes about it.

Eye rolling is one of those behaviors that can instantly make your blood boil. You're mid-sentence, making what you think is a perfectly reasonable point, and suddenly, there it is. That dramatic upward glance that seems to scream "you're being ridiculous."

It's natural to feel triggered when someone rolls their eyes at you. But here's what I've learned after years of working with couples and families: most people handle eye rolling in ways that actually make things worse, not better.

The truth is, eye rolling isn't just disrespect for the sake of disrespect. It's usually a signal that something deeper is going wrong in your communication. And when you respond poorly, you miss a critical opportunity to actually solve the real problem.

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12/23/2024 0 Comments

Stop Wasting Time on Surface Arguments: Try These 7 EFT Techniques for Deeper Connection

Picture of a couple, sitting on the floor facing each other, cross-legged, and engaging in a meditation exercise.

You know that feeling when you and your partner are arguing about who forgot to take out the trash... again? But fifteen minutes in, you realize you're not really fighting about garbage at all. You're fighting about feeling unheard, unappreciated, or disconnected. Sound familiar?

Here's the thing: most relationship arguments aren't actually about the surface issue that started them. As a therapist, I see this pattern constantly. Couples get stuck in these endless loops, rehashing the same complaints without ever addressing what's really going on underneath.

That's where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in. EFT doesn't focus on teaching better communication skills or problem-solving techniques. Instead, it helps couples understand the deeper emotional needs and attachment fears driving their conflicts. When we address those underlying feelings, the surface arguments often resolve themselves.

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11/17/2024 0 Comments

Surviving the Holidays: Your First Christmas After Divorce

Picture of a woman and child sitting on a sofa, drinking coffee, with a christmas tree in the foreground

Your first Christmas after divorce is going to be tough. Let's just get that out of the way right up front. There's no sugarcoating it, no pretending it's going to be like any other holiday season. But here's what I want you to know as someone who's walked alongside countless people through this exact situation: you're going to get through this, and it might even surprise you in some good ways.

The holidays after divorce feel different because everything is different. The traditions you built, the routines you counted on, even the way you decorated your tree, it all feels foreign now. And that's completely normal.

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8/18/2023 0 Comments

Multiple Emotions all at Once!

By Lauren Heinrich

Change is a part of life. Sometimes it feels good, like getting a promotion. Sometimes it hurts, like having to end a relationship. We tend to categorize our transitions as “good” or “bad” and expect the emotions we feel to match. It can really be confusing if our feelings don’t match what we expect.

Let’s take starting a family as an example. Having your first child is supposed to be a magical, joyous experience. What are new parents supposed to do if they feel mixed emotions about having a child? It doesn’t feel right to admit to being upset that they won’t have the same amount of freedom as they did before their first kid. Or let’s consider the mixed feelings that might come with taking a promotion at work. Who wouldn’t be excited about a pay raise? No one wants to admit they feel anxious about the new responsibilities, or how their relationships with their old coworkers will change.

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5/1/2023 0 Comments

The Fear of Therapy

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

I have a tendency to dig right in.

I have to force myself to remember to engage in the expected pleasantries of hello, how are you, how has your day been so far? This is because by the time my client has shown up to my office I've already been thinking about them - how about I just say "you".

I've been thinking about you.

I get up in the morning, take my shower, drink my coffee, drop my children off to their respective places, and drive into work. I listen to the radio while I drive in, but that's mostly background noise. I think about the people I get to see today. Their stories come back to me and I start wondering how they've been this week based on how they left my office the previous week.

By the time you arrive, I've already started our conversation hours ago, and I'm ready to jump right in. But quite often, I'll catch myself, and I'll try to remember to say the hello first...

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1/9/2023 0 Comments

Hunger, Nutrition, and Mental Health

by Jennifer Barzey, LCSW

Despite having studied nutrition and having developed an understanding of the impact that food can have on our physical and mental health, I still love chocolate. After a stressful experience or difficult day, I still sometimes find myself more enticed by chips or sweets. There are many reasons for this. I grew up associating food with both a way to feel better when sad and a way to celebrate when happy. Turning down food prepared for me was rude and having more was seen as a compliment to the chef. When I didn’t yet have the skills needed to cope with my feelings, food was there.

Our relationship with food can be quite complicated!

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12/5/2022 0 Comments

Boost Your Confidence in One Easy Mindshift

By Dan Katz, LCSW

So, what are you going to do............
Get up and get some exercise, or grab the remote and head for the couch?

We've all asked ourselves this question lots of times. If you're one of the people that usually gets up and gets going, that's great for your physical health, as well as for your mental health. If you're one of the people that too often chooses the couch, I've got some interesting information for you.

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MISSION: To provide a tranquil and healing space in which people in our community can find calmness internally through the relaxing atmosphere, along with respectful and engaging therapy conversations. To contribute to happier and more secure families by helping individuals, couples, and teens heal within and thereby creating different ways of engaging with themselves, the world, and those they love.

VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico and Redding areas in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client-centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ, no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.

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Inspired Life Counseling is owned and directed by Jessica Darling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #104464.
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Emotions Series Part 1: What's the Difference Between Feeling and Showing an Emotion?

Hidden Struggles: Why Depression Can Be Harder to Spot in High-Achievers

Why Do We Cry When We're Not Sad? The Surprising Science Behind Tears of Anger and Joy

Changing Your Body Image After Weight Loss: Building Lasting Confidence

Ditching Shame-Based Motivation: How Teens Thrive with Choice Theory

Humor Builds Resilience: How Jokes Can Make You Stronger

Overly Dependent: When Your Partner Feels Like Oxygen (But You're Gasping)

Overly Independent in Love: Why Walls Don't Actually Protect Your Heart

Complex Trauma and EMDR: Turning Negative Self-Beliefs Into Positivity

How Bilateral Stimulation Reprocesses Traumatic Memories: The Neuroscience Behind EMDR

7 Mistakes You're Making When Someone Rolls Their Eyes at You (And How to Respond)

Stop Wasting Time on Surface Arguments: Try These 7 EFT Techniques for Deeper Connection

Surviving the Holidays: Your First Christmas After Divorce

Multiple Emotions all at Once!

The Fear of Therapy

Hunger, Nutrition, and Mental Health

Boost Your Confidence in One Easy Mindshift

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