Category: Heartache

12/8/2025 0 Comments

A How-To Guide if Your Loved One Is in the Hospital for Long-Term Care

Picture of a couple on a couch. EMDR, EFT, Trauma Informed Therapy, Attachment Focused Therapy, Grief, Couples, Bereavement, Chronic Illness, Hospice, Palliative Care, depression counseling

Long-term hospitalization is one of those life experiences that nobody prepares you for. As a therapist who has walked alongside families through these challenging seasons, I've witnessed firsthand how overwhelming it can feel when someone you love requires extended medical care. The uncertainty, the disrupted routines, the financial stress, the emotional roller coaster, it's a lot to navigate, and it's completely normal to feel lost.

In my practice, I've learned that families often focus so intensely on the medical aspects of their loved one's care that they forget to tend to their own emotional well-being and the relationship dynamics that inevitably shift during these times. Today, I want to share what I've discovered about supporting both your loved one and yourself through this journey, drawing from attachment theory, trauma-informed care, and the wisdom of caring for the caregiver.

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9/15/2025 0 Comments

Your expectations are too high! The difference between a standard and an expectation

Picture of a living room - psychology, blog, expectations, standards, communication, boundaries, therapy, counseling, expert, advice, help, healing, guide

I hear this phrase a lot in my therapy office: "My partner says my expectations are too high!" And honestly? Sometimes they're right. But here's the thing: when someone tells you your expectations are too high, they might actually be pointing to something much deeper than what you think you're asking for.

As a therapist who's spent years working with couples and individuals struggling with relationship dynamics, I've learned that the real issue isn't usually about lowering your standards. It's about understanding the crucial difference between standards and expectations: and how confusing the two can actually damage the very relationships we're trying to protect.

What's Really Going On in Your Brain

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9/8/2025 0 Comments

When Life Gets Messy: How Interdependence Helps Couples Survive Stress, Change, & Crisis

Picture of a man and woman on a sofa, cuddled up in a blanket

Crisis is scary. Whether it's a job loss that hits out of nowhere, a health scare that changes everything, or one of those curveball life transitions that leaves you feeling completely off-balance: these moments test every relationship. And if I'm being honest, they don't always bring out the best in us.

But here's what I've learned working with couples: the difference between relationships that crumble under pressure and those that actually grow stronger isn't about avoiding stress. It's about how partners choose to face it together.

That's where interdependence becomes your secret weapon.

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7/28/2025 0 Comments

Common Mistakes in Love: When Your First Big Relationship Happens in Your Thirties or Forties

Let's talk about something that might feel a little awkward to admit: having your first serious relationship in your thirties or forties. While society often assumes everyone has their romantic "training wheels" phase in their teens and twenties, life doesn't always follow that script. Maybe you were focused on career, dealing with family obligations, working through personal challenges, or simply hadn't met the right person yet.

Here's the thing though – when love finally shows up later in life, it can feel both exhilarating and terrifying. Without those earlier relationship experiences that typically teach us the ropes, many people find themselves making mistakes that feel surprisingly familiar to what teenagers do. The difference? The stakes feel much higher, and there's often less patience for trial and error.

The Timeline Trap: When "Running Out of Time" Drives Your Decisions

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7/7/2025 0 Comments

What is Complex PTSD? Understanding When Trauma Looks Different

Picture of a girl sitting on the floor in front of a large window while wrapped in a colorful blanket

Complex PTSD is a tough topic to talk about, partly because it's so often misunderstood. You might be reading this because you have all the symptoms of PTSD, but you can't point to that one big traumatic event everyone talks about. Maybe you're wondering if your experiences "count" or if what you're feeling is real.

Let me start by saying this: your experiences absolutely count, and what you're feeling is very real.

What Makes Complex PTSD Different:

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2/27/2025 0 Comments

The Subtle Shifts of EMDR: Confidence, Patience, and Life Beyond Trauma Recovery

Picture of a hand holding a stone with a sapling growing from the stone. There is a puzzle game on the table beneath the hands.

EMDR therapy is fascinating: not just for what it heals, but for the unexpected ways it changes your entire relationship with yourself and the world around you. While most people know EMDR helps process traumatic memories, the ripple effects often surprise both clients and therapists alike. You might find yourself feeling more confident in job interviews, having more patience with your kids, or noticing that situations that used to trigger anxiety now feel manageable.

These aren't just nice side effects. They're profound shifts that happen when your brain stops running old, outdated programs and starts operating from a place of healing and integration.

The Science Behind These Surprising Changes

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12/6/2024 0 Comments

The Neuroscience of Rituals: How Traditions Keep Us Grounded Through Uncertainty, Grief & Stress

Picture of a family sitting around a burning candle in a meditative fashion

Let's talk about something that might seem a little mystical at first, rituals and traditions. You know, those little (or big) things we do that feel important but maybe we can't quite put our finger on why. Like always making your coffee the exact same way each morning, or how your family always watches the same movie every Christmas Eve, or the way you light a candle when you're feeling overwhelmed.

Here's the thing: there's actually some pretty fascinating science behind why these rituals feel so grounding and helpful, especially when life gets tough. And I'm not just talking about religious ceremonies (though those count too). I'm talking about any repeated, meaningful action that helps you feel more centered.

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11/17/2024 0 Comments

Surviving the Holidays: Your First Christmas After Divorce

Picture of a woman and child sitting on a sofa, drinking coffee, with a christmas tree in the foreground

Your first Christmas after divorce is going to be tough. Let's just get that out of the way right up front. There's no sugarcoating it, no pretending it's going to be like any other holiday season. But here's what I want you to know as someone who's walked alongside countless people through this exact situation: you're going to get through this, and it might even surprise you in some good ways.

The holidays after divorce feel different because everything is different. The traditions you built, the routines you counted on, even the way you decorated your tree, it all feels foreign now. And that's completely normal.

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8/18/2023 0 Comments

Multiple Emotions all at Once!

By Lauren Heinrich

Change is a part of life. Sometimes it feels good, like getting a promotion. Sometimes it hurts, like having to end a relationship. We tend to categorize our transitions as “good” or “bad” and expect the emotions we feel to match. It can really be confusing if our feelings don’t match what we expect.

Let’s take starting a family as an example. Having your first child is supposed to be a magical, joyous experience. What are new parents supposed to do if they feel mixed emotions about having a child? It doesn’t feel right to admit to being upset that they won’t have the same amount of freedom as they did before their first kid. Or let’s consider the mixed feelings that might come with taking a promotion at work. Who wouldn’t be excited about a pay raise? No one wants to admit they feel anxious about the new responsibilities, or how their relationships with their old coworkers will change.

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7/22/2023 0 Comments

Why Does Talking About it Help?

by Emily Emmerman, MSW, ASW

Picture of therapist helping client reorganize thoughts and fears

People come to therapy for a variety of reasons - to talk about and processes traumatic events, to better understand themselves and the way they process the world, to learn new skills to be more emotionally flexible, and even to just vent about life and get some clarification. No matter which way you spin it, you come to therapy to process, and processing means talking. But what happens when we feel like talking about the past might open up Pandoras Box?

All too often I have clients come to their session who say something along the lines of, "I want to feel better, but talking about what happened won't fix it, so I don't want to talk about it."

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11/28/2022 0 Comments

EMDR & Me

by Jessica Wilkerson, LMFT 104464

It's not for everybody, and everyone isn't necessarily ready for it when they walk in the door.

The following article is written from my experience as a psychotherapist who has been providing EMDR since 2014. If you're reading this and you're a fellow clinician, you'll be happy to hear that my training was EMDRIA approved. I've been trained in the standard protocol and also in the Interpersonal protocol invented by Roy Kiessling.

If you're not a therapy-nerd, then all of that was just my way of tooting my horn and letting other therapists know I'm legit - there are some wonky EMDR trainings out there that give this modality a bad name when those therapists start trying to use what they were taught. The EMDRIA part of that paragraph is the most important part.

But I digress... Why is it not for everyone and why are people not necessarily ready for it right away?

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6/8/2021 0 Comments

Teen suicide is a tough subject to talk about

by staff contribution at Inspired Life Counseling
Teen suicide is a tough subject to talk about. It is complex in its development and it is never caused by just one thing. As a former flight paramedic, I have had to treat this type emergency in a medical environment. As a therapist, I have kind of a different pulse on the community. These unintended consequences of the pandemic have had a dramatic effect on the mental health of our children and teens At the end of last year, not only was I hearing there was an increase in teen suicide in Butte county I was seeng the effects of pandemic restrictions on one of our most vulnerable populations.

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10/16/2020 0 Comments

Walking Alone

By Jessica Wilkerson, MA, LMFT

In 1 Corinthians 7:7-9 the Apostle Paul lays it out that if a person can do it, then they should remain single and celibate; and if not, then it is better to marry. Many people feel a sense of aloneness when they do not have a romantic partner, and then that still, small voice in the back of their mind reminds them of scripts they've heard in the past: "You're not good enough," and "no one will love you." They begin to focus on the need for a romantic partner and the longing and lonely feeling begins to grow.

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2/11/2020 0 Comments

Seeing the Forest through the Trees

By Jessica Wilkerson, MA, LMFT

There's a piece in all of us that can feel disappointed. That piece feels disappointed in ourselves - disappointed for many different reasons, but they all add up to a sense that you did or you are something wrong or flawed, and that sense of wrongness becomes this golden thread weaving it's way through the rest of your experiences or self-concept. You might be able to truly be happy at times or genuinely be proud of yourself, but then there are other times where that disspointed feeling says, "yeah, but..." and it finds the way you could have been better. It discredits your joy.

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(530) 809-1702

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Locations:

1025 Village Lane, Chico CA 95926

1610 West Street, Ste 4, Redding CA 96001

Inspired Life Counseling is NOT a crisis center and is not equipped with the necessary tools to help in an emergency. Please click below for more information if you or your loved one is in crisis: Crisis Information.

Crisis Information

By texting Inspired Life Counseling at ( 530) 809-1702, you agree to receive conversations (external) messages from Inspired Life Counseling. We are NOT a crisis response. If you are in a mental health crisis or feel you are a danger to yourself or someone else, please contact 911. If you would like to no longer receive SMS correspondence Reply STOP to opt-out; Reply HELP for support; Message & data rates may apply; Messaging frequency may vary. Visit https://www.inspiredlifechico.com/contact to see our privacy policy and our Terms of Service.

MISSION: To provide a tranquil and healing space in which people in our community can find calmness internally through the relaxing atmosphere, along with respectful and engaging therapy conversations. To contribute to happier and more secure families by helping individuals, couples, and teens heal within and thereby creating different ways of engaging with themselves, the world, and those they love.

VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico and Redding areas in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client-centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ, no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.

Inspired Life Counseling
Inspired Life Counseling is owned and directed by Jessica Darling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #104464.
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YOUR CART

A How-To Guide if Your Loved One Is in the Hospital for Long-Term Care

Your expectations are too high! The difference between a standard and an expectation

When Life Gets Messy: How Interdependence Helps Couples Survive Stress, Change, & Crisis

Common Mistakes in Love: When Your First Big Relationship Happens in Your Thirties or Forties

What is Complex PTSD? Understanding When Trauma Looks Different

The Subtle Shifts of EMDR: Confidence, Patience, and Life Beyond Trauma Recovery

The Neuroscience of Rituals: How Traditions Keep Us Grounded Through Uncertainty, Grief & Stress

Surviving the Holidays: Your First Christmas After Divorce

Multiple Emotions all at Once!

Why Does Talking About it Help?

EMDR & Me

Teen suicide is a tough subject to talk about

Walking Alone

Seeing the Forest through the Trees

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