Category: Parenting

12/22/2025 0 Comments

Emotions Series Part 1: What's the Difference Between Feeling and Showing an Emotion?

Picture of two teens. Teen therapy, adolescence, feeling emotions, showing emotions, boundaries, communication, EMDR, EFT, couples therapy, marriage therapy, self-boundaries, healing, trauma focused therapy, counseling

Emotions can feel like a mystery, even to those of us who work with them every day. You might notice your heart racing during a difficult conversation, but your face remains completely neutral. Or maybe you've had the experience of someone asking "Are you okay?" when you thought you were hiding your frustration perfectly well. This disconnect between what we feel inside and what others see on the outside is more common than you might think, and it's rooted in fascinating neuroscience.

As a therapist, I see this emotional complexity play out in my office daily. The difference between feeling an emotion and showing an emotion shapes how we connect with others, how we heal, and how we navigate our relationships. That's why I'm excited to start this four-part series exploring the intricate world of emotions and expression.

The Neuroscience Behind Feeling vs. Showing

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11/24/2025 0 Comments

How to Add More Laughs to Your Day (Even When Life Is a Hot Mess)

Picture of 3 people sitting on a sofa, side by side, holding their sides because they are laughing so hard while there is a mess of clothes, twinkle lights and pillows strewn across the floor

Let's be real – life can feel like a complete dumpster fire sometimes. Between work stress, family drama, financial pressures, and whatever fresh chaos the universe decides to serve up, finding reasons to laugh might seem about as realistic as finding a unicorn in your backyard.

But here's the thing: humor isn't a luxury you can only afford when everything's going perfectly. It's actually one of your most powerful tools for getting through the tough stuff. And the best part? You don't need a comedy special or a perfect life to add more laughs to your day.

Why Your Brain Craves Laughter (Even When Everything Sucks)

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9/15/2025 0 Comments

Your expectations are too high! The difference between a standard and an expectation

Picture of a living room - psychology, blog, expectations, standards, communication, boundaries, therapy, counseling, expert, advice, help, healing, guide

I hear this phrase a lot in my therapy office: "My partner says my expectations are too high!" And honestly? Sometimes they're right. But here's the thing: when someone tells you your expectations are too high, they might actually be pointing to something much deeper than what you think you're asking for.

As a therapist who's spent years working with couples and individuals struggling with relationship dynamics, I've learned that the real issue isn't usually about lowering your standards. It's about understanding the crucial difference between standards and expectations: and how confusing the two can actually damage the very relationships we're trying to protect.

What's Really Going On in Your Brain

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6/23/2025 0 Comments

Micro-Moments for Self-Care: Bite-Sized Calming Practices Teens Can Actually Use

Let's be real - telling a stressed teen to meditate for 30 minutes or do an hour of yoga isn't exactly realistic. Between homework, social drama, extracurriculars, and that constant buzz of anxiety many teens carry, finding chunks of time for self-care can feel impossible. But here's the thing: you don't need hours to take care of yourself. Sometimes, all you need is a moment.

Micro-moments are brief, intentional pauses throughout your day: ranging from just a few seconds to a few minutes: where you deliberately stop and care for yourself. They're designed to fit seamlessly into even the most chaotic schedules, making them perfect for teens juggling a million different things.

Why Your Teen Brain Loves Micro-Moments

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6/16/2025 0 Comments

How to Recognize and Respond to Subtle Trauma Triggers in Friendships

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Trauma triggers in friendships are a tough topic to talk about. They're often invisible, unexpected, and can leave both you and your friend feeling confused or hurt. As a therapist who works with teens regularly, I've seen how trauma can show up in both teen and adult friendships in ways that might surprise you.

It might be natural to think that trauma only affects someone during big, obvious moments. But that's not always the case. Trauma triggers can be incredibly subtle – a certain tone of voice, being left on read, or even a friend canceling plans last minute. Understanding these triggers isn't about walking on eggshells around your friends. It's about building deeper, more supportive relationships.

What Are Subtle Trauma Triggers in Friendships?

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6/9/2025 0 Comments

Ditching Shame-Based Motivation: How Teens Thrive with Choice Theory

Picture of 5 young people sitting on bean bags and learning about Choice Theory

Shame-based motivation is a tough topic to address, but it's one that affects nearly every teenager in some way. As a therapist who works with teens daily, I've seen firsthand how shame can become the invisible force driving so many of their choices: and how devastating that can be for their growth and self-worth.

It might be natural to think that a little shame or fear of disappointing others motivates teens to do better. But that's not always the case. In fact, shame-based motivation often backfires spectacularly, leaving teens feeling stuck, anxious, and disconnected from their own inner compass.

There's a better way. Choice Theory, developed by psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser, offers a completely different approach that puts teens back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

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6/2/2025 0 Comments

Blended Family Basics: Building Trust & Connection as a Step-Parent to Teens

Picture of a family sitting on a couch and reading stories together.

Stepping into a teenager's life as a new parent figure is one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences you can have. It's also incredibly scary – both for you and for them. If you're reading this as a step-parent, you might be wondering how to connect with a teenager who didn't choose you. If you're a teen in a blended family, you might be feeling confused, angry, or protective of your existing relationships.

Here's what I want both of you to know: these feelings are completely normal, and building trust takes time. There's no magic formula for instant connection, but there are proven ways to lay the groundwork for meaningful relationships that can last a lifetime.

Why Teen Step-Relationships Feel So Complex

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4/7/2025 0 Comments

Humor Builds Resilience: How Jokes Can Make You Stronger

Group of people on a sofa laughing, reading a book, and playing with a clown nose.

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect them. Your car breaks down the day before a big presentation, your teenager decides to have a meltdown at the grocery store, or you spill coffee all over your laptop during an important video call. In moments like these, you have two choices: you can let the stress consume you, or you can find a way to laugh about it.

I know what you might be thinking, "Really? Laughter is supposed to help me handle stress?" But here's the thing: humor isn't just about feeling good in the moment. It's actually one of the most powerful tools we have for building genuine resilience. And I'm not just talking about putting on a brave face or pretending everything's fine. I'm talking about fundamentally changing how your brain and body respond to challenges.

The Science Behind Your Smile

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2/27/2025 0 Comments

The Subtle Shifts of EMDR: Confidence, Patience, and Life Beyond Trauma Recovery

Picture of a hand holding a stone with a sapling growing from the stone. There is a puzzle game on the table beneath the hands.

EMDR therapy is fascinating: not just for what it heals, but for the unexpected ways it changes your entire relationship with yourself and the world around you. While most people know EMDR helps process traumatic memories, the ripple effects often surprise both clients and therapists alike. You might find yourself feeling more confident in job interviews, having more patience with your kids, or noticing that situations that used to trigger anxiety now feel manageable.

These aren't just nice side effects. They're profound shifts that happen when your brain stops running old, outdated programs and starts operating from a place of healing and integration.

The Science Behind These Surprising Changes

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1/26/2025 0 Comments

Unwinding After School: How Teens Can Recharge and Still Meet Family Obligations

Three teenagers sit on a sectional sofa engaging in various activities: homework, listening to music, going through a basket.

Let's be real: coming home from school feeling mentally drained while your parents immediately start talking about homework, chores, and "how was your day?" can feel overwhelming. You need time to decompress, but you also don't want to deal with family drama about not pulling your weight around the house.

The good news? You can totally have both. It's all about finding that sweet spot between taking care of yourself and keeping the peace at home.

Why Your Brain Actually Needs a Break (And It's Not Just Being Lazy)

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1/18/2025 0 Comments

How Teen Girls Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

Three girls stand together in a classroom, facing the camera confidently as friends.

Dealing with bullies is honestly one of the hardest parts of being a teen girl. Whether it's mean girls spreading rumors, someone making nasty comments about your appearance, or dealing with exclusion and social manipulation, bullying can feel overwhelming and scary. But here's the thing - you have way more power than you think to protect yourself and create healthier relationships through something called boundaries.

Think of boundaries like invisible shields that protect your energy, emotions, and self-worth. They're not walls that keep everyone out - they're more like gates that let the right people in while keeping toxic behavior where it belongs: far away from you.

Why Confidence Is Your Secret Weapon

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1/10/2025 0 Comments

7 Mistakes You're Making When Someone Rolls Their Eyes at You (And How to Respond)

Picture of a mother sitting in the living room with her son and daughter, she is holding her daughter's hand in both of her hands and her daughter looks as if she's just about to roll her eyes about it.

Eye rolling is one of those behaviors that can instantly make your blood boil. You're mid-sentence, making what you think is a perfectly reasonable point, and suddenly, there it is. That dramatic upward glance that seems to scream "you're being ridiculous."

It's natural to feel triggered when someone rolls their eyes at you. But here's what I've learned after years of working with couples and families: most people handle eye rolling in ways that actually make things worse, not better.

The truth is, eye rolling isn't just disrespect for the sake of disrespect. It's usually a signal that something deeper is going wrong in your communication. And when you respond poorly, you miss a critical opportunity to actually solve the real problem.

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12/10/2024 0 Comments

How Teen Boys Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

3 teen boys standing and talking on a sidewalk while a school is in the distant background.

Bullying is a tough reality that way too many teen boys face. Whether it's happening in hallways, locker rooms, or online, dealing with bullies can feel overwhelming and confusing. But here's the thing – you have more power than you might realize.

Standing up to bullies isn't about getting into fights or being the toughest guy around. It's actually about something much smarter: setting healthy boundaries. And trust me, learning this skill now will serve you well for the rest of your life.

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11/25/2024 0 Comments

How Teens Can Set Healthy Boundaries with Family (And Still Keep the Peace at Home)

Picture of three teens and an adult, sitting criss-cross on a living room floor while they read books and talk animatedly

Let's be real for a second, setting boundaries with family as a teen feels like walking through a minefield sometimes. You want to protect your mental health and have some basic respect, but you also don't want to deal with the drama, lectures, or consequences that might come from speaking up. If you're living with toxic family dynamics, this balance becomes even trickier.

The good news? It's totally possible to set healthy boundaries while keeping the peace at home. You just need to be strategic about it.

What Boundaries Actually Are (Hint: They're Not Rebellion)

First, let's clear something up. Boundaries aren't about being disrespectful, defiant, or trying to control other people. They're about protecting your own well-being while still functioning within your family system.

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11/17/2024 0 Comments

Surviving the Holidays: Your First Christmas After Divorce

Picture of a woman and child sitting on a sofa, drinking coffee, with a christmas tree in the foreground

Your first Christmas after divorce is going to be tough. Let's just get that out of the way right up front. There's no sugarcoating it, no pretending it's going to be like any other holiday season. But here's what I want you to know as someone who's walked alongside countless people through this exact situation: you're going to get through this, and it might even surprise you in some good ways.

The holidays after divorce feel different because everything is different. The traditions you built, the routines you counted on, even the way you decorated your tree, it all feels foreign now. And that's completely normal.

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8/9/2023 0 Comments

Teen Girls

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

It's quite often that a teen girl will experience feeling broken and powerless. There are so many other people directing their lives (socially, scholastically, relationally) it's no wonder they go through these periods. When this starts affecting their deepest relationships and the family it might be time to bring them to a therapist.

Why?

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7/10/2023 0 Comments

Using Boundaries While Parenting

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By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

There's this buzz word out in the world called BOUNDARIES.

What does that even mean? You know you should have them. You think you probably don't. You hear the word "boundaries" and you think that it must be a measuring stick that you should be living up to, and that others are judging you by.

Let's demystify boundaries when it comes to parenting.

Boundaries are the gauge by which you allow people permission in your life. Basically, how you let other people treat you, and how you treat other people.

THERE ARE TWO PARTS TO THIS:

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6/29/2023 0 Comments

Teen Girls & Therapy

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

Oh, the teen girls! I love them. Once upon a time, I was a teen girl... now, I'm a grown up woman with all these years of college learning in psychology and years of providing therapy to girls and their families. But, I can still tap into that teen girl brain and emotions that once lived in this body when I need a reminder of those conflicts and feelings.

It's such a dichotomy in that brain. "My parents are sooooo smothering! They don't let me do anything!" and also, "My parents don't even care about me. Nothing I do is right, they don't pay attention to me unless I'm messing up."

No matter how much positive encouragement you give your teen girl, some girls will only notice when you reprimand them or give them instructions.

Why is this? Well, there are several reasons.

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6/19/2023 0 Comments

Values: Our Life Compass

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By Joe Acciaioli, LCSW

In his book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, Steven Hayes compares our values to a life “compass.” Values go beyond goals, because they are more deeply held, and we are never “done” with them. If one of my values is to be loving, that is different than the goal of finding a partner and possibly getting married. Presumably, once I find that partner, or even if I break up with that partner, I will continue to have the value of being loving.

Especially during these challenging times, I find myself talking to my clients about their values, and the importance of living a values-based life. How do we not lose hope in a time of crisis, a time when we see so much suffering in the world? I believe the answer has a lot to do with living our values day-by-day.

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1/2/2023 0 Comments

Cutting, burning, self harm... what is it all about?

by Lauren Heinrich, AMFT

Cutting is a sign of anxiety, not just thoughts of suicide.

Self-harm is a scary topic. It’s not a common point of conversation, and is often misunderstood.
It might be natural to think that a person hurting themselves in such an extreme way must be
contemplating suicide, but that is not always the case. It is hard to think that a person can be in
so much emotional pain that they want to harm themselves, but it happens more often than we
think.

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VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico and Redding areas in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client-centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ, no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.

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YOUR CART

Emotions Series Part 1: What's the Difference Between Feeling and Showing an Emotion?

How to Add More Laughs to Your Day (Even When Life Is a Hot Mess)

Your expectations are too high! The difference between a standard and an expectation

Micro-Moments for Self-Care: Bite-Sized Calming Practices Teens Can Actually Use

How to Recognize and Respond to Subtle Trauma Triggers in Friendships

Ditching Shame-Based Motivation: How Teens Thrive with Choice Theory

Blended Family Basics: Building Trust & Connection as a Step-Parent to Teens

Humor Builds Resilience: How Jokes Can Make You Stronger

The Subtle Shifts of EMDR: Confidence, Patience, and Life Beyond Trauma Recovery

Unwinding After School: How Teens Can Recharge and Still Meet Family Obligations

How Teen Girls Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

7 Mistakes You're Making When Someone Rolls Their Eyes at You (And How to Respond)

How Teen Boys Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

How Teens Can Set Healthy Boundaries with Family (And Still Keep the Peace at Home)

Surviving the Holidays: Your First Christmas After Divorce

Teen Girls

Using Boundaries While Parenting

Teen Girls & Therapy

Values: Our Life Compass

Cutting, burning, self harm... what is it all about?

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