Category: Relationships

12/22/2025 0 Comments

Emotions Series Part 1: What's the Difference Between Feeling and Showing an Emotion?

Picture of two teens. Teen therapy, adolescence, feeling emotions, showing emotions, boundaries, communication, EMDR, EFT, couples therapy, marriage therapy, self-boundaries, healing, trauma focused therapy, counseling

Emotions can feel like a mystery, even to those of us who work with them every day. You might notice your heart racing during a difficult conversation, but your face remains completely neutral. Or maybe you've had the experience of someone asking "Are you okay?" when you thought you were hiding your frustration perfectly well. This disconnect between what we feel inside and what others see on the outside is more common than you might think, and it's rooted in fascinating neuroscience.

As a therapist, I see this emotional complexity play out in my office daily. The difference between feeling an emotion and showing an emotion shapes how we connect with others, how we heal, and how we navigate our relationships. That's why I'm excited to start this four-part series exploring the intricate world of emotions and expression.

The Neuroscience Behind Feeling vs. Showing

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11/24/2025 0 Comments

How to Add More Laughs to Your Day (Even When Life Is a Hot Mess)

Picture of 3 people sitting on a sofa, side by side, holding their sides because they are laughing so hard while there is a mess of clothes, twinkle lights and pillows strewn across the floor

Let's be real – life can feel like a complete dumpster fire sometimes. Between work stress, family drama, financial pressures, and whatever fresh chaos the universe decides to serve up, finding reasons to laugh might seem about as realistic as finding a unicorn in your backyard.

But here's the thing: humor isn't a luxury you can only afford when everything's going perfectly. It's actually one of your most powerful tools for getting through the tough stuff. And the best part? You don't need a comedy special or a perfect life to add more laughs to your day.

Why Your Brain Craves Laughter (Even When Everything Sucks)

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10/9/2025 0 Comments

Tips to Move Toward Secure Attachment: Practical Strategies

Picture o couple, couples counseling, marriage therapy, anxious attahment, avoidant attachment

Changing your attachment style as an adult is challenging work. I won't sugarcoat that. The patterns we developed in childhood run deep, and they've been our go-to strategies for navigating relationships for years, maybe decades. But here's what I want you to know: it's absolutely possible to move toward more secure attachment, no matter where you're starting from.
Whether you tend toward anxious attachment (constantly seeking reassurance), avoidant attachment (keeping people at arm's length), or disorganized attachment (swinging between the two), you can develop the skills that securely attached people seem to naturally have. It just takes intentional practice and a lot of self-compassion along the way.

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8/29/2025 0 Comments

Coping With Loss Together: How Couples Therapy Supports Shared Grief

Picture of a couple cozy on a sofa while a random woman sits in an accent chair behind them smiling and watching them.

Losing someone you love is one of life's most difficult experiences. When you're part of a couple, that grief becomes even more complex because you're not just dealing with your own pain, you're watching your partner hurt too, and somehow you need to support each other when you both feel broken.

Here's what I've learned after years of working with couples through loss: grief doesn't follow a playbook, and it definitely doesn't affect two people the same way, even when they've lost the same person. But here's the thing, couples therapy can transform this painful journey from one that drives partners apart into one that actually deepens their connection.

Your Brain on Grief: Why Everything Feels So Hard

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6/23/2025 0 Comments

Healing Trust After Betrayal: Teen Friendship Repair Using EFT-Inspired Tips

Picture of two young women sitting on a sofa and talking.

Teen friendship betrayal is one of the most painful experiences young people face. When a close friend breaks your trust: whether by sharing secrets, choosing sides, or flat-out lying: it can feel like your world is crashing down. The hurt runs deep because friendships during the teen years aren't just social connections; they're lifelines that help shape identity and provide emotional safety.

But here's what I've learned working with teens: trust can be rebuilt. It takes work, vulnerability, and the right tools, but broken friendships can actually become stronger than they were before the betrayal happened.

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4/20/2025 0 Comments

Newlywed Survival Guide: Tips for Marrying a First Responder

Picture of a man in a police uniform being embraced by a woman

First responders: police officers, firefighters, paramedics, and emergency dispatchers: live in a world of split-second decisions, life-and-death situations, and constant exposure to human trauma. This creates a unique psychological and emotional landscape that affects how they process stress, communicate, and decompress.

Your spouse has been trained to compartmentalize emotions, stay hyper-alert, and respond to crisis with calm efficiency. These skills that make them excellent at their job can sometimes create distance at home if you don't understand what's happening. Marrying a first responder is both an honor and a challenge that comes with unique pressures most newlyweds don't face. Your spouse dedicates their life to protecting others, which means unpredictable schedules, emotional exhaustion, and the constant reality that they face danger every day they go to work.

But here's the thing: first responder marriages can absolutely thrive when you understand what you're working with and develop strategies that honor both the demands of the job and your relationship.

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3/27/2025 0 Comments

Overly Dependent: When Your Partner Feels Like Oxygen (But You're Gasping)

Picture of a woman and a man sitting on a sofa and there is blue air coming out of her mouth.

Being overly dependent in a relationship is a tough topic to talk about. It brings up feelings of shame, guilt, and fear that many of us would rather avoid. But here's the thing - recognizing dependency patterns doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with you or your partner. It means you're human, and you're ready to create healthier connection.

If your partner feels like they can't breathe without you, or if you find yourself suffocating under the weight of being someone's emotional lifeline, you're not alone. This dynamic affects countless couples, and understanding it is the first step toward breathing easier together.

What Overly Dependent Actually Looks Like

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1/26/2025 0 Comments

Unwinding After School: How Teens Can Recharge and Still Meet Family Obligations

Three teenagers sit on a sectional sofa engaging in various activities: homework, listening to music, going through a basket.

Let's be real: coming home from school feeling mentally drained while your parents immediately start talking about homework, chores, and "how was your day?" can feel overwhelming. You need time to decompress, but you also don't want to deal with family drama about not pulling your weight around the house.

The good news? You can totally have both. It's all about finding that sweet spot between taking care of yourself and keeping the peace at home.

Why Your Brain Actually Needs a Break (And It's Not Just Being Lazy)

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1/18/2025 0 Comments

How Teen Girls Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

Three girls stand together in a classroom, facing the camera confidently as friends.

Dealing with bullies is honestly one of the hardest parts of being a teen girl. Whether it's mean girls spreading rumors, someone making nasty comments about your appearance, or dealing with exclusion and social manipulation, bullying can feel overwhelming and scary. But here's the thing - you have way more power than you think to protect yourself and create healthier relationships through something called boundaries.

Think of boundaries like invisible shields that protect your energy, emotions, and self-worth. They're not walls that keep everyone out - they're more like gates that let the right people in while keeping toxic behavior where it belongs: far away from you.

Why Confidence Is Your Secret Weapon

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1/10/2025 0 Comments

7 Mistakes You're Making When Someone Rolls Their Eyes at You (And How to Respond)

Picture of a mother sitting in the living room with her son and daughter, she is holding her daughter's hand in both of her hands and her daughter looks as if she's just about to roll her eyes about it.

Eye rolling is one of those behaviors that can instantly make your blood boil. You're mid-sentence, making what you think is a perfectly reasonable point, and suddenly, there it is. That dramatic upward glance that seems to scream "you're being ridiculous."

It's natural to feel triggered when someone rolls their eyes at you. But here's what I've learned after years of working with couples and families: most people handle eye rolling in ways that actually make things worse, not better.

The truth is, eye rolling isn't just disrespect for the sake of disrespect. It's usually a signal that something deeper is going wrong in your communication. And when you respond poorly, you miss a critical opportunity to actually solve the real problem.

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12/23/2024 0 Comments

Stop Wasting Time on Surface Arguments: Try These 7 EFT Techniques for Deeper Connection

Picture of a couple, sitting on the floor facing each other, cross-legged, and engaging in a meditation exercise.

You know that feeling when you and your partner are arguing about who forgot to take out the trash... again? But fifteen minutes in, you realize you're not really fighting about garbage at all. You're fighting about feeling unheard, unappreciated, or disconnected. Sound familiar?

Here's the thing: most relationship arguments aren't actually about the surface issue that started them. As a therapist, I see this pattern constantly. Couples get stuck in these endless loops, rehashing the same complaints without ever addressing what's really going on underneath.

That's where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in. EFT doesn't focus on teaching better communication skills or problem-solving techniques. Instead, it helps couples understand the deeper emotional needs and attachment fears driving their conflicts. When we address those underlying feelings, the surface arguments often resolve themselves.

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11/30/2024 0 Comments

Getting Through Your First Christmas After Losing Someone You Love

Picture of woman looking away from the camera as she sits on large, comfortable chair while holding a mug with a christmas tree in the background

Your first Christmas after losing someone you love is going to be hard. There's no sugar-coating it, no magic formula to make it painless. The anticipation leading up to the holidays is often worse than the actual day itself, but that doesn't make the grief any less real or overwhelming.

As therapists, we see many clients struggling through their first holiday season after a significant loss. Whether it's the death of a parent, spouse, child, or close friend, the holidays can feel like an emotional minefield when someone important is missing from your table.

But here's what I want you to know: you can get through this. It won't be the same, and it doesn't have to be. There are gentle ways to honor both your grief and the love you still carry for the person who died.

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11/25/2024 0 Comments

How Teens Can Set Healthy Boundaries with Family (And Still Keep the Peace at Home)

Picture of three teens and an adult, sitting criss-cross on a living room floor while they read books and talk animatedly

Let's be real for a second, setting boundaries with family as a teen feels like walking through a minefield sometimes. You want to protect your mental health and have some basic respect, but you also don't want to deal with the drama, lectures, or consequences that might come from speaking up. If you're living with toxic family dynamics, this balance becomes even trickier.

The good news? It's totally possible to set healthy boundaries while keeping the peace at home. You just need to be strategic about it.

What Boundaries Actually Are (Hint: They're Not Rebellion)

First, let's clear something up. Boundaries aren't about being disrespectful, defiant, or trying to control other people. They're about protecting your own well-being while still functioning within your family system.

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11/17/2024 0 Comments

Oops, I Laughed! Why Humor Helps Us Connect and Heal

Picture of four people around a table while sitting in the livingroom laughing.

You know that moment when something terrible happens, and then, completely out of nowhere, you find yourself laughing? Maybe it was a nervous giggle during a stressful meeting, or perhaps you cracked a joke at the worst possible time. Your first instinct might be to feel guilty about it. Should I really be laughing right now?

Here's the thing: that spontaneous laughter isn't a character flaw. It's actually your brain doing something pretty incredible. When we laugh during difficult times, we're not being insensitive, we're activating one of our most powerful tools for connection and healing.

Let me share why that "oops, I laughed" moment might be exactly what you (and everyone around you) needed.

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6/29/2023 0 Comments

Teen Girls & Therapy

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

Oh, the teen girls! I love them. Once upon a time, I was a teen girl... now, I'm a grown up woman with all these years of college learning in psychology and years of providing therapy to girls and their families. But, I can still tap into that teen girl brain and emotions that once lived in this body when I need a reminder of those conflicts and feelings.

It's such a dichotomy in that brain. "My parents are sooooo smothering! They don't let me do anything!" and also, "My parents don't even care about me. Nothing I do is right, they don't pay attention to me unless I'm messing up."

No matter how much positive encouragement you give your teen girl, some girls will only notice when you reprimand them or give them instructions.

Why is this? Well, there are several reasons.

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4/17/2023 0 Comments

Uncomfortable, but Necessary Changes

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

Last week I wrote a blog I titled, "Your New Normal." It's such a big concept that I wanted to touch on another way of looking at the same topic.

When we're growing and changing on purpose there's a lot of emotional labor involved. Noticing what you're doing that's contributing to pain and dysfunction in your life, trying to change established patterns of thinking and behaving, and navigating relationships around you. That's exhausting! You're always thinking!

In some of the relationships you're trying to change you are trying to be kinder, less defensive, less offensive, what-have-you. In other relationships you may be trying to have healthier and stronger boundaries. Learning to say no - or standing up for yourself in situations you might have otherwise stood back and felt bad. In these latter examples those relationships are likely going to feel worse before they feel better.

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10/24/2022 0 Comments

Adults & Eye Rolling

By Emily Emmerman, MSW, ASW

I've noticed that sometimes grown women still engage in eye rolling behavior - but it would make sense since that they do it more whet home with their families. Unfortunately, my partner used to get his fair share of eye rolls, too - not always directed at him though - sometimes it's with the information he presented about others, or about situations we somehow found ourselves in that I then have to take control over and fix.

Just like the teenage eye-roll, one could assume that adult eye-rolls are still a form of both communication, dominance, and aggression (although not as soft as when they were a teenager - because as an adult we should know better).

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10/17/2022 0 Comments

Gottman Couples Therapy

By Deborah Duell-Stephens, LMFT

The Gottman Method of for couple’s work is an empirically proven process that is the result of research that began in the 1970’s by psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, which focused on what makes marriages succeed or fail. In studying how couples argued, Dr’s John & Julie Gottman fashioned a method for therapy that accentuates a brass-tacks approach to improving clients’ relationships.

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11/29/2021 0 Comments

Confidence is a Virtue!

Karen grew up in a family who was very loving and affirming. They told her she was beautiful, creative, talented, and smart. However, if Karen ever stated any of these character traits aloud then her family would tell her she's boastful, conceited, and full of herself. It was very confusing to be Karen and not really understand who she is. Is she all these good things or by believing them does that make her all those bad ones?

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11/15/2021 0 Comments

The Boundary Power Struggle

by Jessica Wilkerson, LMFT 104464

Honoring your own boundaries can feel tricky when others with a misunderstanding of boundaries try to cross them. It can sometimes feel like a tug-of-war or power struggle.

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MISSION: To provide a tranquil and healing space in which people in our community can find calmness internally through the relaxing atmosphere, along with respectful and engaging therapy conversations. To contribute to happier and more secure families by helping individuals, couples, and teens heal within and thereby creating different ways of engaging with themselves, the world, and those they love.

VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico and Redding areas in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client-centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ, no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.

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Inspired Life Counseling is owned and directed by Jessica Darling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #104464.
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YOUR CART

Emotions Series Part 1: What's the Difference Between Feeling and Showing an Emotion?

How to Add More Laughs to Your Day (Even When Life Is a Hot Mess)

Tips to Move Toward Secure Attachment: Practical Strategies

Coping With Loss Together: How Couples Therapy Supports Shared Grief

Healing Trust After Betrayal: Teen Friendship Repair Using EFT-Inspired Tips

Newlywed Survival Guide: Tips for Marrying a First Responder

Overly Dependent: When Your Partner Feels Like Oxygen (But You're Gasping)

Unwinding After School: How Teens Can Recharge and Still Meet Family Obligations

How Teen Girls Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

7 Mistakes You're Making When Someone Rolls Their Eyes at You (And How to Respond)

Stop Wasting Time on Surface Arguments: Try These 7 EFT Techniques for Deeper Connection

Getting Through Your First Christmas After Losing Someone You Love

How Teens Can Set Healthy Boundaries with Family (And Still Keep the Peace at Home)

Oops, I Laughed! Why Humor Helps Us Connect and Heal

Teen Girls & Therapy

Uncomfortable, but Necessary Changes

Adults & Eye Rolling

Gottman Couples Therapy

Confidence is a Virtue!

The Boundary Power Struggle

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