Category: Self Concept

3/16/2026 0 Comments

How Your Inner Child Shapes Adult Reactions and Choices: An Internal Family Systems Perspective

Symbolic image of reconnecting with younger self for healing

That moment when your partner makes an innocent comment and you suddenly feel like you're eight years old again, hurt and defensive. Or when you find yourself people-pleasing to an exhausting degree, even though you know better. These aren't character flaws: they're your inner child speaking up, trying to protect you the only way it knows how.

As therapists working from an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, we see this dynamic play out constantly. Your inner child isn't just a cute therapy concept: it's an active part of your psychological system that continues to influence how you respond to stress, make decisions, and connect with others well into adulthood.

Understanding Your Internal Family System

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2/23/2026 0 Comments

The Hidden Costs of Codependency that Women Don't Recognize

Woman experiencing emotional burnout from codependent patterns

Codependency is one of those topics that makes people squirm a little. It's uncomfortable because it forces us to look at patterns we've probably normalized, behaviors we've been praised for, and ways of being in relationships that feel like love but leave us depleted and disconnected from ourselves.

As a therapist, I've sat with countless women who come in complaining about mysterious health issues, chronic fatigue, anxiety that won't quit, or a nagging sense that something is "wrong" with them. What we often discover together is that their bodies have been keeping the score of years spent in codependent patterns, patterns that looked like devotion from the outside but felt like drowning from the inside.

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2/16/2026 0 Comments

The Hidden Grief Process That Rebuilds Confidence: Why Your Attachment System Needs to "Reorganize" After Divorce

Symbolic image of healing, growth, and emotional reorganization.

Divorce is one of life's most challenging transitions, and if you're going through one, you already know that. What you might not know is that beneath all the obvious grief, the sadness, anger, and fear, there's another process happening that most people never talk about. Your attachment system, the neurobiological foundation that organized your emotional world around your spouse, is quietly but powerfully reorganizing itself. And here's the surprising part: this hidden grief process is actually what rebuilds your confidence.

As a therapist who has walked alongside countless individuals through divorce, I've witnessed this attachment reorganization process numerous times, over and over. It's messy, it's painful, and it's also one of the most profound opportunities for growth I've ever observed. Let me explain what's really happening in your brain and heart during this time.

What Your Attachment System Actually Does

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2/2/2026 0 Comments

Helpers and Mentors: The neuroscience behind why having guides (therapists, friends, wise voices) matters for building new visions of yourself.

Picture of Supportive presence helping someone imagine a new, empowered version of themselves.

In every hero's journey, there's a moment when the protagonist meets their guide: Gandalf appearing to Frodo, Mr. Miyagi teaching Daniel-san, or Yoda training Luke Skywalker. These aren't just storytelling devices. They reflect something profound about how our brains are actually wired: we need others to become who we're meant to be.

As a therapist, I've witnessed this transformation countless times. A client walks into my office carrying old stories about themselves: "I'm broken," "I can't change," "This is just who I am." But something magical happens when they find the right guide, whether that's a therapist, a wise friend, or a mentor. Their brain literally begins to rewire itself.

Your Brain on Connection

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1/26/2026 0 Comments

Ordinary World to Call to Adventure: Why learning to fantasize is often the first step to healing and personal transformation.

Picture of Person imagining a new future as the first step toward healing and growth

The journey from stuck to unstuck often begins in the most unexpected place: your imagination. I know that might sound a little woo-woo, especially if you're someone who prides yourself on being practical and grounded. But after years of working with people who felt trapped in their "ordinary world," I've seen how learning to fantasize, to dream of something different, becomes the crucial first step toward real healing and transformation.

Your Ordinary World Isn't Actually Ordinary

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1/5/2026 0 Comments

Creating Safety to Feel Again: How Trauma-Informed Self-Care Rebuilds Confidence from the Inside Out

Picture of woman on sofa. mental health counseling online therapy California telehealth therapy services virtual therapist online counseling for adults online counseling for teens mental health support

Divorce recovery is tough terrain to navigate. I've been working with trauma survivors for years, and I can tell you that rebuilding confidence after a marriage ends isn't just about positive thinking or "moving on." It's about creating safety in your nervous system so you can actually feel again, without panic, without that constant knot in your stomach, without your mind racing through worst-case scenarios.

The truth is, divorce often triggers our deepest attachment wounds. Your nervous system doesn't distinguish between physical danger and emotional threat. When your primary relationship dissolves, your brain interprets this as a survival crisis. That's why you might feel like you're losing your mind, even when you know logically that you're going to be okay.

What Happens to Your Nervous System During Divorce

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8/4/2025 0 Comments

Does Journaling Actually Help With Anxiety?

Anxiety is tough. Really tough. If you're reading this, chances are you've felt that familiar tightness in your chest, the racing thoughts that won't quit, or that constant feeling like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. You might have heard people suggest journaling as a way to help with anxiety, but you're probably wondering: does it actually work, or is it just another feel-good suggestion that doesn't really make a difference?

Here's the thing – journaling does help with anxiety, and there's solid science behind why it works. As a therapist, I've seen it make a real difference for my clients, and the research backs up what we see in therapy rooms every day.

What's Actually Happening in Your Brain When You Journal

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7/21/2025 0 Comments

Changing Your Body Image After Weight Loss: Building Lasting Confidence

Changing your body image after significant weight loss is one of those topics that sounds like it should be simple – you lost weight, you should feel great, right? But if you're reading this, you already know it's not that straightforward. The relationship between your physical transformation and how you see yourself in the mirror is complex, often surprising, and sometimes downright confusing.

As a therapist, I've worked with many clients who've achieved their weight loss goals only to discover that their mental image hasn't caught up with their physical reality. You're not broken if this resonates with you. You're human, navigating a very real psychological process that deserves compassion and understanding.

The Mind-Body Disconnect is Real

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7/14/2025 0 Comments

How to Build Self-Confidence After Going Through a Divorce

Picture of a woman with outstretched arms on a path

Divorce is one of life's most challenging experiences. Beyond the legal paperwork and logistics, there's something deeper that gets shaken – your confidence in yourself. You might find yourself questioning everything: your judgment, your worth, your ability to make good decisions. If this sounds familiar, know that you're not alone, and more importantly, rebuilding your self-confidence is absolutely possible.

As someone who has worked with countless individuals navigating this difficult transition, I've seen people emerge from divorce stronger and more confident than they ever imagined. The key is understanding that confidence isn't something that magically returns overnight – it's something you actively rebuild, one small step at a time.

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4/7/2025 0 Comments

Redefining Success: What Does It Really Mean to You?

Illustration of four people sitting on sofas around a coffee table.

Let's be honest, success in America has been pretty narrowly defined for a long time. Big house, fancy car, impressive job title, fat bank account. If you've got those boxes checked, you're "successful," right? But here's the thing: I've worked with plenty of people who had all those markers of traditional success and still felt completely empty inside.

Something's shifting in our culture, and it's about time.

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3/15/2025 0 Comments

Overly Independent in Love: Why Walls Don't Actually Protect Your Heart

Picture of a man and woman snuggled next to each other on a sofa and they are looking at her left hand.

Being overly independent in love is a tough topic to talk about. It sounds like a contradiction, right? How can being strong and self-reliant be a problem in relationships? But here's the thing, when independence becomes a fortress that keeps everyone out, it stops protecting your heart and starts imprisoning it instead.

I've worked with countless clients who've built these emotional walls thinking they were being smart. They've been hurt before, so they figure if they don't need anyone, they can't be disappointed. If they handle everything themselves, they won't be let down. But what they discover is that walls designed to keep pain out also keep love from getting in.

What Does Being Overly Independent Actually Look Like?

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1/18/2025 0 Comments

How Teen Girls Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

Three girls stand together in a classroom, facing the camera confidently as friends.

Dealing with bullies is honestly one of the hardest parts of being a teen girl. Whether it's mean girls spreading rumors, someone making nasty comments about your appearance, or dealing with exclusion and social manipulation, bullying can feel overwhelming and scary. But here's the thing - you have way more power than you think to protect yourself and create healthier relationships through something called boundaries.

Think of boundaries like invisible shields that protect your energy, emotions, and self-worth. They're not walls that keep everyone out - they're more like gates that let the right people in while keeping toxic behavior where it belongs: far away from you.

Why Confidence Is Your Secret Weapon

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9/20/2023 0 Comments

How to Overcome Fear When Life Feels Like It's Falling Apart (And Actually Come Out Stronger)

When everything in your life feels like it's crumbling, fear becomes this overwhelming presence that seems to take over everything. I get it – that feeling when you wake up with your heart racing, when every decision feels impossible, when you're not even sure which way is up anymore.

Here's what I want you to know: this scary, falling-apart feeling? It's actually information. And more importantly, it can become the foundation for building something stronger than what you had before.

Your Fear Is Trying to Protect You (But It's Overreacting)

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7/22/2023 2 Comments

Why Does Talking About it Help?

by Emily Emmerman, MSW, ASW

Picture of therapist helping client reorganize thoughts and fears

People come to therapy for a variety of reasons - to talk about and processes traumatic events, to better understand themselves and the way they process the world, to learn new skills to be more emotionally flexible, and even to just vent about life and get some clarification. No matter which way you spin it, you come to therapy to process, and processing means talking. But what happens when we feel like talking about the past might open up Pandoras Box?

All too often I have clients come to their session who say something along the lines of, "I want to feel better, but talking about what happened won't fix it, so I don't want to talk about it."

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6/5/2023 0 Comments

Becoming Authentic - Owning our Choices

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

"What do you mean, 'owning our choices?' Of course I own my choices!"

Here's the thing, the way we talk to ourselves and to other people can often lead us astray from authenticity and lead us to the same ol' path toward the self-preservation of using our mask. We mostly do it to protect ourselves from ourselves.

What do I mean by that?

Well, we are humans and in our humanity we can tend to make bad choices. In that humanity we can tend to be judgmental. We can easily end up judging ourselves and then subconsciously fear others will judge us with that same standard (or worse).

So we bend the truth:

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4/17/2023 0 Comments

Uncomfortable, but Necessary Changes

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

Last week I wrote a blog I titled, "Your New Normal." It's such a big concept that I wanted to touch on another way of looking at the same topic.

When we're growing and changing on purpose there's a lot of emotional labor involved. Noticing what you're doing that's contributing to pain and dysfunction in your life, trying to change established patterns of thinking and behaving, and navigating relationships around you. That's exhausting! You're always thinking!

In some of the relationships you're trying to change you are trying to be kinder, less defensive, less offensive, what-have-you. In other relationships you may be trying to have healthier and stronger boundaries. Learning to say no - or standing up for yourself in situations you might have otherwise stood back and felt bad. In these latter examples those relationships are likely going to feel worse before they feel better.

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4/10/2023 0 Comments

Your New Normal

By Jessica Darling Wilkerson, LMFT

I've heard people say, "I just want to feel normal!"

What is "Normal" anyway?

Normal is different for everyone. It's either the way you usually feel, except for right now - or - it's the way you perceive everyone around you is feeling, and it's different from how you're feeling.

Let's look at this:

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12/5/2022 0 Comments

Boost Your Confidence in One Easy Mindshift

By Dan Katz, LCSW

So, what are you going to do............
Get up and get some exercise, or grab the remote and head for the couch?

We've all asked ourselves this question lots of times. If you're one of the people that usually gets up and gets going, that's great for your physical health, as well as for your mental health. If you're one of the people that too often chooses the couch, I've got some interesting information for you.

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11/21/2022 0 Comments

The observing self, and why to make friends with it.

By Joe Acciaioli, LCSW

Ever notice how good your dog or cat is at being fully in the moment? Not a care in the world. Just lying around, enjoying a sunbeam or special toy. Not worrying about what comes next, or what happened last week. Just enjoying what is happening. Right. Now. So simple!

We humans, however, are much more complicated than our pets. We are both blessed and cursed with what is sometimes called the observing self. The observing self means our ability to step back from thoughts and feelings, in a way animals can't. This is due to our big brains. The trouble is, we often race around letting our thoughts and feelings rule us. When that happens, we're not so much observing our thoughts and feelings as we are buying into them, as if they were our identity.

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11/29/2021 0 Comments

Confidence is a Virtue!

Karen grew up in a family who was very loving and affirming. They told her she was beautiful, creative, talented, and smart. However, if Karen ever stated any of these character traits aloud then her family would tell her she's boastful, conceited, and full of herself. It was very confusing to be Karen and not really understand who she is. Is she all these good things or by believing them does that make her all those bad ones?

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Inspired Life Counseling
Inspired Life Counseling is owned and directed by Jessica Darling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #104464.
Office Hours: By Appointment Contact us!

Inspired Life Counseling is NOT a crisis center and is not equipped with the necessary tools to help in an emergency. Please click below for more information if you or your loved one is in crisis: Crisis Information

By texting Inspired Life Counseling at ( 530) 809-1702, you agree to receive conversations (external) messages from Inspired Life Counseling. We are NOT a crisis response. If you are in a mental health crisis or feel you are a danger to yourself or someone else, please contact 911. If you would like to no longer receive SMS correspondence Reply STOP to opt-out; Reply HELP for support; Message & data rates may apply; Messaging frequency may vary. Visit https://www.inspiredlifechico.com/contact to see our privacy policy and our Terms of Service.

(530) 809-1702

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Locations:

1025 Village Lane, Chico CA 95926

1388 Court St, Ste B, Redding CA 96001

Crisis Information

MISSION: To provide a tranquil and healing space in which people in our community can find calmness internally through the relaxing atmosphere, along with respectful and engaging therapy conversations. To contribute to happier and more secure families by helping individuals, couples, and teens heal within and thereby creating different ways of engaging with themselves, the world, and those they love.

VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico and Redding areas in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client-centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ, no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.

Inspired Life Counseling
Inspired Life Counseling is owned and directed by Jessica Darling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #104464.
Office Hours: By Appointment Contact us!

YOUR CART

How Your Inner Child Shapes Adult Reactions and Choices: An Internal Family Systems Perspective

The Hidden Costs of Codependency that Women Don't Recognize

The Hidden Grief Process That Rebuilds Confidence: Why Your Attachment System Needs to "Reorganize" After Divorce

Helpers and Mentors: The neuroscience behind why having guides (therapists, friends, wise voices) matters for building new visions of yourself.

Ordinary World to Call to Adventure: Why learning to fantasize is often the first step to healing and personal transformation.

Creating Safety to Feel Again: How Trauma-Informed Self-Care Rebuilds Confidence from the Inside Out

Does Journaling Actually Help With Anxiety?

Changing Your Body Image After Weight Loss: Building Lasting Confidence

How to Build Self-Confidence After Going Through a Divorce

Redefining Success: What Does It Really Mean to You?

Overly Independent in Love: Why Walls Don't Actually Protect Your Heart

How Teen Girls Can Stand Up to Bullies by Setting Healthy Boundaries

How to Overcome Fear When Life Feels Like It's Falling Apart (And Actually Come Out Stronger)

Why Does Talking About it Help?

Becoming Authentic - Owning our Choices

Uncomfortable, but Necessary Changes

Your New Normal

Boost Your Confidence in One Easy Mindshift

The observing self, and why to make friends with it.

Confidence is a Virtue!

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