Category: Values

9/15/2025 0 Comments

Your expectations are too high! The difference between a standard and an expectation

Picture of a living room - psychology, blog, expectations, standards, communication, boundaries, therapy, counseling, expert, advice, help, healing, guide

I hear this phrase a lot in my therapy office: "My partner says my expectations are too high!" And honestly? Sometimes they're right. But here's the thing: when someone tells you your expectations are too high, they might actually be pointing to something much deeper than what you think you're asking for.

As a therapist who's spent years working with couples and individuals struggling with relationship dynamics, I've learned that the real issue isn't usually about lowering your standards. It's about understanding the crucial difference between standards and expectations: and how confusing the two can actually damage the very relationships we're trying to protect.

What's Really Going On in Your Brain

0 Comments

7/28/2025 0 Comments

Common Mistakes in Love: When Your First Big Relationship Happens in Your Thirties or Forties

Let's talk about something that might feel a little awkward to admit: having your first serious relationship in your thirties or forties. While society often assumes everyone has their romantic "training wheels" phase in their teens and twenties, life doesn't always follow that script. Maybe you were focused on career, dealing with family obligations, working through personal challenges, or simply hadn't met the right person yet.

Here's the thing though – when love finally shows up later in life, it can feel both exhilarating and terrifying. Without those earlier relationship experiences that typically teach us the ropes, many people find themselves making mistakes that feel surprisingly familiar to what teenagers do. The difference? The stakes feel much higher, and there's often less patience for trial and error.

The Timeline Trap: When "Running Out of Time" Drives Your Decisions

0 Comments

4/7/2025 0 Comments

Redefining Success: What Does It Really Mean to You?

Illustration of four people sitting on sofas around a coffee table.

Let's be honest, success in America has been pretty narrowly defined for a long time. Big house, fancy car, impressive job title, fat bank account. If you've got those boxes checked, you're "successful," right? But here's the thing: I've worked with plenty of people who had all those markers of traditional success and still felt completely empty inside.

Something's shifting in our culture, and it's about time.

0 Comments

12/27/2024 0 Comments

Finding the Sweet Spot: Interdependence in Romantic Relationships

Picture of a couple sitting on a pebbly beach while holding hands and drinking from mugs with a picnic basket next to them.

Relationship balance is one of those things that sounds simple in theory but feels impossibly complex in practice. You've probably found yourself swinging between extremes: either clinging too tightly to your partner or pushing them away when things get intense. Maybe you've lost yourself completely in a relationship, or perhaps you've built walls so high that genuine intimacy feels scary.

Here's the thing: most of us weren't taught how to navigate the delicate dance between "me" and "we" in romantic relationships. We learn from what we see growing up, and let's be honest: many of us saw relationships that were either suffocatingly codependent or coldly distant.

As a therapist, I've worked with countless couples who struggle to find that sweet spot between losing themselves and shutting their partner out. The good news? There's a middle ground called interdependence, and it's absolutely learnable.

0 Comments

11/20/2023 0 Comments

Setting Healthy Boundaries with Toxic Family Members During the Holidays

Picture of two women having a conversation in front of a fireplace

Setting boundaries with toxic family members during the holidays is one of the most emotionally challenging situations many of us face each year. The pressure to "keep the peace" or maintain family traditions can make it feel impossible to protect your mental health while still showing up for the people you love.

As someone who's worked with countless clients navigating these exact situations, I want you to know that prioritizing your wellbeing isn't selfish, it's necessary. You can love your family and still recognize when certain relationships require clear limits to keep you emotionally safe.

0 Comments

11/4/2023 0 Comments

How to Leave Work Stress at the Office (So It Doesn't Mess with Family Time)

Picture of a woman and two children reading a book together on a sofa

We've all been there. You walk through the front door after a long day, and before you can even say hello to your family, your mind is still spinning with deadlines, difficult conversations, and tomorrow's to-do list. Your partner asks how your day was, and instead of connecting, you find yourself venting about workplace drama or stressing about projects that aren't even due until next week.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Work stress bleeding into family time is one of the most common challenges I see in my practice. The good news? With some intentional strategies, you can create real boundaries between your work life and home life.

0 Comments

6/19/2023 0 Comments

Values: Our Life Compass

Picture of compass for life and values therapy

By Joe Acciaioli, LCSW

In his book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, Steven Hayes compares our values to a life “compass.” Values go beyond goals, because they are more deeply held, and we are never “done” with them. If one of my values is to be loving, that is different than the goal of finding a partner and possibly getting married. Presumably, once I find that partner, or even if I break up with that partner, I will continue to have the value of being loving.

Especially during these challenging times, I find myself talking to my clients about their values, and the importance of living a values-based life. How do we not lose hope in a time of crisis, a time when we see so much suffering in the world? I believe the answer has a lot to do with living our values day-by-day.

0 Comments

(530) 809-1702

[email protected]

Locations:

1025 Village Lane, Chico CA 95926

1610 West Street, Ste 4, Redding CA 96001

Inspired Life Counseling is NOT a crisis center and is not equipped with the necessary tools to help in an emergency. Please click below for more information if you or your loved one is in crisis: Crisis Information.

Crisis Information

By texting Inspired Life Counseling at ( 530) 809-1702, you agree to receive conversations (external) messages from Inspired Life Counseling. We are NOT a crisis response. If you are in a mental health crisis or feel you are a danger to yourself or someone else, please contact 911. If you would like to no longer receive SMS correspondence Reply STOP to opt-out; Reply HELP for support; Message & data rates may apply; Messaging frequency may vary. Visit https://www.inspiredlifechico.com/contact to see our privacy policy and our Terms of Service.

MISSION: To provide a tranquil and healing space in which people in our community can find calmness internally through the relaxing atmosphere, along with respectful and engaging therapy conversations. To contribute to happier and more secure families by helping individuals, couples, and teens heal within and thereby creating different ways of engaging with themselves, the world, and those they love.

VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico and Redding areas in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client-centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ, no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.

Inspired Life Counseling
Inspired Life Counseling is owned and directed by Jessica Darling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #104464.
Office Hours: By Appointment Contact us!

YOUR CART

Your expectations are too high! The difference between a standard and an expectation

Common Mistakes in Love: When Your First Big Relationship Happens in Your Thirties or Forties

Redefining Success: What Does It Really Mean to You?

Finding the Sweet Spot: Interdependence in Romantic Relationships

Setting Healthy Boundaries with Toxic Family Members During the Holidays

How to Leave Work Stress at the Office (So It Doesn't Mess with Family Time)

Values: Our Life Compass

Author

Archives

Categories