May 25th, 2021

​Sometimes I think we let the word no be our bully.

Somewhere along the line we learned that there would be negative consequences if we wielded the power of no.  That it’s a bad word, selfish.  That we’re bad, selfish people if we don’t use no as sparingly as possible.
 
That’s simply not true.  We are not called to sacrifice ourselves to avoid feeling bad due to each person’s ever changing definition of an adverb/noun. 
 
Some people think no keeps them safe from over-committing or accidentally finding themselves in a pickle from saying yes too freely.  Others think if they say no then the person who’s asking for a favor will be hurt or offended, and that their pain is greater suffering and therefore should be avoided.  Either way, the word no has more power than it should.
 
This is where healthy boundaries come into effect.

When we understand that our hesitance around the word no (to use it or to refrain from using it) might be coming from past scripts that might not be serving us well anymore we can step out of our old mindset and evaluate situations with more clarity.
 
Personally, I like to say, “I would rather do a few things really well, than a lot of things half-assed.”  That means I have to say no often.  I have to stop and evaluate if the request or invitation will water down the things that are meaningful and a priority in my life or if it could increase my joy and build something beautiful.  Sometimes it’s worth it to step out of my comfort zone, take that risk and say “YES!”
 
Sometimes, I just have to say to myself, “I have other plans for my time that I was really looking forward to” and say no to the request.  Even if those other plans were to do nothing.  To relax at home and watch a movie.  I’m technically available to help with or go to an event, but the plans I have for myself are also important and I’m valuable enough to guard against the drained feeling that comes along with the fear of hurting people by saying no.
 
So are you.  You’re worth it.  Use no to help your life blossom. 
 
If you need help, as we all do when we’re trying to change the way we see ourselves and our places in this world, please feel free to reach out.  We’re hear to help, and since we love what we do you can accurately guess that we’re likely to say “YES!”

Jessica Wilkerson, LMFT 104464 Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Jessica Wilkerson is a licensed marriage and family therapist.  She also has a radio show on kkxx.net Christian talk radio and writes a collumn for Upgraded Living Magazine.  She uses humor, a direct approach, and a lot of analogies when working with clients to help them see their thinking and behavior patterns and start shifting the ways they view themselves in relation to the world and their relationships.  If you'd like to schedule an appointment with Jessica please email info@inspiredlifechico or call (530) 809-1702.  You can also click the button below to find her calendar online!

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