In either scenario, you learn the lesson to respect deadlines, right? But which consequence would you rather to teach you that lesson? WHEN WE ARE INCONSISTENT WITH OUR CHILDREN & TEENS WE ARE ROBBING THEM OF THE "EASIER" CONSEQUENCE. Repeating a class is easier than losing your job, right? Being kicked off a sports team is easier than jail, right? So, when your child or teenager is rolling their eyes, trying to negotiate with you to get out of their consequence, asking you to cover for them when they failed to plan - just keep these scenarios in mind. You won't be there when they are adults, they need to learn these lessons while you are still there to be their safety net and to help their egos navigate the consequences of their actions. I have always felt that when parenting it's best (and easiest for me) to start with the least harsh consequence that works to change the behavior. If you start out with guns blazing you'll have no where to go when the child/teen tests to see if you're bluffing. If the easier consequence doesn't work, you can always go a little more strict until you've found something that works. Some people just want to be the "nice parent" or the "buddy parent" - but consequences are part of boundaries, and they are a part of life. Teaching your child to respect herself and respect others will go a very long way when she's responsible for navigating the big world all on her own someday. Boundaries and consequences are one way a child/teen gauges "if you love them and are willing to do what it takes to keep them safe" - they don't act like it, and they certainly won't act like they appreciate it right now, but down in their subconscious they feel a sense of relief that they don't have to negotiate this world alone, and they know they need someone to help outline the boundary lines and teach cause & effect. Grounded in their bedroom with the soft, comfy bed & personal belongings is so much nicer than being grounded in a jail cell, or grounded by demotions or job losses. But that's just my perspective, and it's what keeps me strong when I have to deal with the natural insolence of the teenager who I love. You can follow up with this topic in the article titled Boundaries in Parenting.
If you would like to learn more about Jessica Wilkerson or schedule an appointment, please click the button below to go to her bio. Here you'll learn more about her as well as her fees and access her appointment request form. This article was originally written on Jessica's personal website on 6/5/2014
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Inspired Life Counseling
Inspired Life Counseling is owned and directed by Jessica Wilkerson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #104464.
Office Hours: By Appointment ContactContact us!
Inspired Life Counseling is owned and directed by Jessica Wilkerson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #104464.
Office Hours: By Appointment ContactContact us!
MISSION: To provide a tranquil and healing space in which people in our community can find calmness internally through the relaxing atmosphere along with respectful and engaging therapy conversations. To contribute to happier and more secure families by helping individuals, couples, and teens heal within and thereby creating different ways of engaging with themselves, the world, and those they love.
VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico area in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions just to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.
VISION: Creating a new kind of therapy experience in the Chico area in which therapists have smaller caseloads, giving them the flexibility to spend more time with clients as needed - longer sessions, phone calls, client centered advocacy. Creating a space in our community where clients can go between sessions just to sit, linger, and re-center themselves when they're having difficult days. A place to belong while they heal their hearts and relationships. A therapy office that embodies the unconditional love of Christ no matter what a person's gender identity, romantic disposition, or previous life hardships, experiences, or actions might have been. To be a safe place.
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